Lifeless
by NeverEverStar
Summary: Mitsuki never thought that her decision would come back to haunt her, but it did. After committing suicide, Mitsuki discovers what it's like to be a Shinigami. Can she piece together the how it should have been before the how it is disappears? TXM MXI
1. Prologue

**A/N: **So this is my first Full Moon fanfic. It's manga based, so Mitsuki already knows that Eichi's dead. It's an odd fan fic about what would happen if Mitsuki were to commit suicide before Takuto or Meroko could get there. This was based on one those four panel things that Arina-sensei draws at the end of the books. Enjoy!

LIFELESS

Prologue: Freedom in death

That's it! I give up… Everything has always been so complicated. I'm only 12, and yet it seems like so much has happened already. How much longer do I have left? There is no way to answer that question. I don't want to move forward. I want to be with Kaa-san and Tou-san… I want to be with Eichi-kun. I feel like life is trying to pull me away from them all. Like, because I'm alive, I have to leave them behind. I don't want that. I don't want surgery; I'll embrace death, if only I can see you again. If only…

**The knife looked so inviting… Calling to me. My heart was pounding in my chest pleading me to stop it. It was too much. /Stop it/ it would always ignore me. /Stop it!/ No…**

**/Mitsuki-chan…/ Tanaka-san, the housekeeper was talking to me. /Are you all right? You've been staring at your knife, why haven't you started eating yet?/**

**No, Tanaka-san. I don't want to eat. /I'm not hungry, gomen!/ I say as cheerfully as I can. /Obaa-chan, can I be excused?/ **

**/But Mitsuki-san, you haven't finished eating yet./ Obaa-chan protests.**

**/I'm fine./ I lie, slipping the knife into the fold of my skirt. I'm not fine; there is something very, very, wrong with me, to want to take my own life. **

The wrenching pain in my chest is my proof. I'm proud of it. The blood splatters into my hair, across my face. There is no chance for my favorite dress to ever be cleaned; the carpet will be stained for a long time to come. Obaa-chan might have to replace it. But in the few seconds when the pain has been overcome by numbness, and all my senses begin to crumble, I feel a bliss I haven't known for years.

**/Mitsuki-chan/**

I'm coming… Wait for me.


	2. Lullabies for Frightened Children

**Disclaimer:** I forgot to write a disclaimer in the first chapter! Oh nose. Well, this is it. All rights belong to Arina-sense. Do I look like I'm a Japanese manga artist? Oh, wait, you can't see me… Well, I don't. Or do I?

**A/N**: Okay, I know that nobody reads these things, so I guess I'll just prattle on. I already have devised an ending, though I'm not sure if people will like it much. It is a tad bit sad, my desired ending- very sad- but I think I'll stick to it. I'm not sure how many chapters I'm going for, so I'll just see were this story leads me. Happy reading:)

**LIFELESS**

Chapter 1: Lullabies for Frightened children

_The sensation was thrilling. Adrenalin coursed through my veins. I let out a content sigh. My last memory is of my grandmother's devastated face and the weeping housekeeper. I was a bad person, I know, but it felt so freeing to forgo my chains and leave my prison. I would see Mom and Dad. I would see Eichi-kun. We would be so-_

It was dark and cold. **I** was cold. I felt cramped. My arms wrapped around my legs and my knees brought up to my chest. It was deafeningly quiet, and I wondered if this cold, dark place was Death. Was this Hell? I was a bad person, was I not? I didn't know. There was nothing I could remember, nothing **to** remember. I was left with only an intense feeling of regret and guilt that I could not begin to comprehend. I heard a cracking sound. It was my shell. My box was breaking. Would I open my eyes to a wonderfully beautiful place called Heaven? Alas no. I woke to find myself in a kind of egg. I was bare of anything, even thoughts. The weird thing was, it felt, not natural, nor unnatural, just normal. I did not begin to question it for a long time to come. My black-brown hair fell in front of my face. I looked down at myself; I seemed to be about sixteen. I didn't feel sixteen; I felt six. Small and fragile, still new to the world.

I looked around. I was in an egg, sitting on a pedestal. No, nothing was wrong with this picture. Some lank white clothes sat next to me. I pulled them over my head. It was a dull dress that hung loosely off my curving form. There were no pants, and no undergarments. Great, fun. I stood shakily, my legs weak, from long under use. It took me a few minutes for me to get used to the concept of "walking". I stumbled along in the large room I had never been to before. I had seen other eggs, like my own, ether un-cracked or already open, but there was no one there. No one like me. I felt suddenly alone and vulnerable in this large room, with no door in sight.

"Hello?" My voice cracked into a whisper against my will. I guess I would have to get used to that as well, along with the pain in my throat. I cleared my throat and called again, this time louder. "Hello?" I was rewarded with silence. Not much of a prize, is it?

I continued to walk. _/-Happy together/. _The words flowed into my head, and I couldn't stop them. /_We would be so happy together/._ I screamed, loud and hard. The words brought pain with them. Excruciating pain that threatened to split open my head.

"No, keep out!" I screamed, the sound bouncing of the walls. I sat there huddled up in a ball, shaking on the floor. I'm not sure how long I stayed, maybe an hour, maybe two. When finally the pain had subsided, my tears had run dry and I had calmed myself down, I began moving again. Fear rattled me, I was terrified. Almost like a safety movement I started humming a soft song to myself. I had never heard it, but I knew it, it was familiar. The longer I sang, the stronger my voice became, until I was mouthing the lyrics, then singing them. It was so calming I almost forgot my fear. It took me a while but I finely found a long hall, leading into a distant room-like office. I had yet to reach it when I heard voices from up ahead. And not weak, pleading voices like my own, but strong, angry voices. Real voices. I crept up closer so that I could hear what they were saying.

"-and we already have two people in our team! A third? It's not even heard of!" A male voice yelled.

"Takuto…" The pleading voice of a woman said hurriedly.

"It was your fault," The last was a deep male booming voice. "It is your problem to fix."

"It wasn't our fault! Mystere read the signs wrong. She was the one who messed up, why blame us?" The first boy said. "How could we have known?"

"Silence!" The man with the deep commanding voice called, sounding very upset. "You are not to put this off on Mystere! It was your own fault, you could have gone earlier, but you wasted time getting there! It is your mess." I heard him turn to the door I was hiding behind. He opened the door and smiled down at me. "I'm sorry I was not there to see you here, but I was held up. I expect you woke up fine. I'm happy you didn't get lost." He turned, walking to the middle of the room. I guessed he wanted me to follow, so I did. He sat behind his desk and motioned me to sit down in a chair. He smiled as I obeyed.

"Who are you?" I asked innocently.

He sneered. "I am Death. And you are Mayako Kitsumi."

**A/N**: Hey yall! How'd you like the first real chapter? Pretty spiffy huh? If you're wondering, it is Mitsuki (of course). The name is actually from the four panel comics at the end of the book. It says that when you become a shinigami, your name is reversed. Love you all! Review and you get a cookie!

NES


	3. Melody for Deaft Ears

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Full Moon. Arina Tanemura does.

**A/N:** I was bored and started on this chapter. This chapter is full of references to the book. A lot of the dialogue can be found in the second through sixth books. I'm not sure about what should happen in the next few chapters. Basically, I know what should happen in this chapter and at the very end. If anyone has any suggestions, tell me. I'd love to hear from you! By the way, the way this is written, it's very fragmented, I'm sorry if it confuses you!

P.S. This chapter is longer then the first two. Actually, I wanted to have longer chapters, but they always ended up shorter then I wanted them to be. Well, this one's longer! Yay!

Dawnstarshine, MistyRose14, animeluv12 and glisteningxwhitexfangs get a cookie!

**LIFELESS**

Chapter 2: Melody for Deft Ears

_Pain crushed my chest, it was excruciating. My throat was on fire. I couldn't breath. _Help me._ I wanted to say, but nothing came out. _Please, help me. _Still no sound came out. My mind wondered. Would I die? I always wondered what it would be like if I did die. Would I see you? I almost wanted to die if I would see you. Please let me see you, why are you hiding? _Obaa-chan? Tanaka-san? _I tried to call again. (Weird, how I couldn't seem to recall the names, yet in my dream, I could say it so freely. But was this a dream? Or was it a vision? I didn't even know if this person was me, and yet I never questioned it.) No one came. Were they that far away? No one would hear my strangled cries until it was too late, I realized. Too late. I liked the sound of that. I smiled. I wanted to go. _Take me away._ I said, serenely. It didn't work. I lived, but now I had a taste for death. A yearning. I wanted it, and I would have it. _

"Death?" I giggled; amused for a reason I could not comprehend. "What's that supposed to mean? Are you pulling my leg?" I asked skeptically.

This man- Death- did not seem amused. "Death is what we all are." He answered calmly. "Every one here." He waved his hand at the other people in the room, who were looking down sadly. "We are shinigami. We fly with our wings, and take the souls of humans. You are the same." He said it so apathetically it sent a shiver down my spine.

"Why do I have to do such a thing?" I shouted, terrified. This man scared me. These people scared me. Everything was so new, this world; it was hard… and real… and bright… and frightening. I wanted to return to my egg.

"Why?" He repeated. "It is you're punishment, for trying to escape." A child ran through my whole body, I felt stone cold, dead, and lifeless. Was that who I was? The person he said I was, Mayako, was she real? Death stood. "Come now, Mayako. Takuto. Meroko. Follow me." He stood and began to walk away. Where Takuto and Meroko the other people here? I wondered. They were odd. They wore odd clothes, had odd hair, and were odd things, like shinigamis. I didn't care what Death-san had said to me. I couldn't possibly be a shinigami, it was impossible. I couldn't have chosen this. It didn't make any sense. This was all messed up. We followed. Takuto, Meroko, and me.

We walked through a cobblestone courtyard. _Death's courtyard_ I reminded myself. _Everything here has death on it. Even me._ I was shaking. The thought was petrifying. The sole idea of death terrified me. How could that man say I was death? That I would embrace such a vulgar thing? My head was spinning from this information. I looked around to clear it. Death's courtyard was surprisingly lovely. Quaint houses circled the courtyard- or was it a city square? I had an idea that they were seldom used. In the distance I saw a large clock tower. The sky here was not blue. I don't know what colour it was, but it radiated light and warmth. _How could this lovely place be hell?_ I thought. Yet as we walked, I saw no people, heard no voices, and the air smelt oddly of despair, if despair had a smell, it would be this. The smell tickled my nose. I sneezed. Eyes shifted my way. No one spoke. Not Death, nor the Shinigami. Even with only these three with me, I felt a forth pair of eyes on me. The feeling didn't leave. I felt an odd sensation wash over me. I didn't like it. Who was I?

_Eichi-kun!_

The excruciating pain in my head came back, but I didn't fall down this time. I didn't even stop. Thinking was annoying me, yet I was compelled to do so. Who was Mayako Kitsumi? Why was the name so alien? If it was my name shouldn't I recognize it? I didn't. It wasn't my name. Who was I? Why did my head hurt? Feelings, thoughts images raced through my head. But non were very new. The images were of the odd white room, of the egg, of the hall. Of Death and Takuto-shinigami-san and Meroko-shinigami-san. My only feelings were the hazy detached ones I had already experienced. And the melody. That beautiful melody. The odd sensation hit me again, making me gasp slightly.

_Mitsuki__! What a beautiful voice you have!_

My head hurt again. _Stop! Stop thinking!_ I thought hurriedly. But the melody filled my whole being.

_Oi! Chibi! Where's your dad and mom?_ A story, being played out by strangers. _Heaven… The teacher told me they died. _Oh, what a wonderful show! _Do you like your mom and dad? Even when you never met?_ What an entrancing performance. _Yes! My daddy was a singer… My mommy liked singing too. I love singing! So I was very happy that my daddy and mommy loved singing, too! _What a spectacular show.

"Oi! Chibi!" My head flew up at the sound of another voice. It was the Shinigami named Takuto. He pointed to a door. "We're going in."

"Yes!" I said. Anything to get away from those dreadful visions! We entered a room that looked more like a giant closet. I looked around, fascinated. What where we doing here? I wondered.

Death and Meroko talked, I only heard the end. "Then you will take care of the rest?" She nodded and he left. Meroko and Takuto turned to watch him leave. I tried not to make eye contact. _If they see my eyes,_ I thought, shakily. _They might see how scared I am._ They might see my shaking hands, my watering eyes, my sweaty visage. No, I would not look up.

"Mayako…" They would see my buckling knees. "Mayako…" The half moon circle caused by my long nails indenting the palms of my hand. May be the wouldn't- "Ma-Ya-Ko Ki-Tsu-Mi!"

I looked up; my lank hair sprawled everywhere, emailing my vision. "Yes, Meroko-shinigami-san?" I clamped my hands over my mouth. _Oops,_ I thought. _That was rude…_

Meroko and Takuto stared at me. Takuto snickered.

"I'm sorry, uh…" _What is her last name?_ I thought, racking my brain for the possible answer. _She never said!_ "Ah… Eto… Meroko-san." It wasn't as polite as it could have been, but I was rushed.

"It's Yui." Meroko's voice rang out through the closet like room. "Meroko Yui." She smiled. "It's nice to meet you, Mayako Kitsumi-chan."

I blushed. She knew what I had been thinking! I guess that made sense. She had probably been through the same thing as me. "Y-yes, Yui-san." I stammered.

At this point, Takuto laughed straight out. "Don't call her that!" He said between chuckles. "That might make her feel important! I'm Takuto Kira."

I blushed a deeper red. Takuto was handsome. He had a very nice face. "So I'll call you Takuto-chan." I said defiantly.

Meroko fell to the ground, shacking slightly with uncontained laughter. "I like her!" Meroko stated. "Fu-unny!" once Takuto had picked his jaw off the ground and Meroko Had stopped laughing, Meroko regained her original trail of thought. "Anyways, Why don't you look for something to wear now? Take any thing you like from here." She motioned to the hangers full of cloths around the room. "Oh, and Mayako, don't forget. Takuto's mine!"

**A/N:** So, how was it? Please read and review! And if you have any suggestions to what should happen, tell me!


	4. HIATUS

STORY ON HAITUS

**STORY ON HAITUS!**

Okay, um… I feel bad but I'm going to put this story on hiatus. When I started this story, it was in a fit of passion since I couldn't find any good stories for this series that where based off the manga. Now I really can't go on with it so I'm giving up for when another fit of passion takes over and I continue writing. I just thought it was rude to just stop writing so here's an explanation… Again, I'm sorry for those who liked this story!

NeverEverStar


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